Dreams (Spoken Word)

Spoken Word poem by Valerie Chin

If ever you’ve dreamed a dream

that which you’d never dream of dreaming,

One so blissful

that you never want to wake from it again,

or if you were to wake up from it,

you’d spend your day, day-dreaming of the dream you thought you’d never dream of.

I’d envy you,

for my dreams are dreams that place burden upon me.

Dreams that I would not want to dream of in my dreams.

Where I’m running

and can’t run fast enough,

where I am falling

and I hit the ground before waking,

where chaos ensues around me and there in the mist of it all

I stand.

Wishing that what I saw

was a dream

when really

it is dream

and I am just not realizing it.

Not realizing that I can stand up and fight

against the metaphysical creations of my imagination.

Not realizing that the little girl crying is not just any girl,

but it’s me,

me.

Hurting.

Scared.

That little girl, who in my dreams

I want cradle,

and tell her it’s going to be ok,

that everything will be fine

and to not be afraid.

That one day she won’t have to cry at the sound of her parents yelling

and she won’t have to worry about what other people are saying,

because I know

that everything will

turn

out

fine.

But I can’t,

because that little girl is a dream,

in world that I have no control over.

No matter how much I want to change that little girl’s life I can’t,

because no one can change the past,

not even in a dream.

So while those little girl’s tears created who I am today,

I can’t help but wonder how different I would be

if someone had just told me that

everything

would be ok.

Is God A Gamer?

(Originally a Xanga Post)

So I once wrote a blog that no one read about God being a Gamer, and after playing Sims 2 for most of my weekend, I thought that I would revisit the idea, and write it with a little more finesse.

Anyone who knows of the Sims, or has played it know that it is a game that you control the characters you make. The characters are completely created by you: the physical features, their personality, and even what "turns them on/off." Their every action is controlled by the human-player.

Makes you wonder don't you? You are almost playing God with these computerized characters. They have needs like food, sleep, social life, and when they don't get it they look up at you, the player, and a thought bubble forms telling you what they want.

I did an experiment, to see what would happen if I let a household play out without me interfering at all. Within a matter of 15 regular (not Sim) minutes, all my characters were dead. Funny how that worked out huh?

I know that human society is alot more advanced and intricate than a simulation game, but it makes one wonder what God is really doing, don't you think? Could we live without any intervention?

So, You Had A Bad Day

(Originally a Xanga Post)

It was just one of those days where it went from bad... to worse. Sadly, I am actually listening to Daniel Powter's Bad Day.

Every little thing is ticking me off right now. Dropping a piece of tofu on the floor... pressing the wrong button to open firefox... my dinner not cooking fast enough... So, how did I get to this point?

I went to bed around 1am cause I came from watching Iron Man at 12, and showered. Woke up at 8:50, and deemed it too late to go to the morning service, and that I'd go to the second one. I wasn't able to go back to sleep, so i got up and started playing the Sims 2, until, before I knew it, it was noon! I wasn't in a particular mood to go to Church today anyways.

After eating a small lunch, I went to barnes-and-noble, bought nothing, then albertson's to buy some groceries. Upon coming back I continued to play the sims, and start my Laundry. My friend called and wanted to play Gunbound which I agreed to do, but got tired of it really quickly because I got a headache. After that Mom called and I went back to albertson's originally to buy juice, but ended up with lots of cans of soups while I was at it. I came back to my place, really wanting to go for a swim before I started dinner, only to discover that my bathroom had ants, and I had no spray bottle to fill-up and kill them with, so I drove back out to Rite Aid, well aware that I would not be able to go for a quick swim, and by the time i got back (about 20 minutes later) some hot-shot in a new-bright orange mazda is parked in my spot when there are about 20 other parking spots to choose from (FYI: parking spots are assigned, they are not a free-for-all, so when I say my spot I really do mean my spot!) Currently the car is still there, because I am giving them until I finish eating my dinner to move. I called my mom to vent about my ants + car parking problem only to get yelled and lectured out. And now I am here. Eating. typing. wanting to think that God is making me go through this to teach me something, and so I am trying to remain patience. Calm. Not working very well, espcially when I have now overcooked my dinner.

"The point is to laugh at what you say" - Bad Day, Daniel Powter.

Taking A Step Back

(Originally a Xanga Post)

I've decided that I should cut back on the time that I am conversing with people, mainly via AIM. I realized this past week that I wanted sometime alone, to think about things. Spend time straightening things out in my head. Part of me feels like I am in a big change in my life, and I don't want outside influences changing what I am going through (outside changes being other people's opinions). I have been at it for a few days now, and I admit I feel like I am disconnected from everything, that I don't know what going on outside my life, but I think at this point I am O.K. with that.

Some questions I am dealing with about myself:

1. Who exactly is it that I want to be? It is a pretty broad question though. Am I the type of person who will not be willing to sacrifice my wants for others? Am I patient? humble? grateful?
2. What is my relationship to God?
   
3. What is important to me?

They may seem like pretty general questions, but that's what I am going through, and hopefully by blogging my thoughts out over the next couple weeks will help me organize my thoughts out better.